I believe interpersonal relationships form our biggest reservoir of potential in terms of spiritual growth, mental health, and therefore physical wellbeing as a result… In a time of economic hardship, its relevant to remember that great relationships are free and far more useful and powerful than anything you could buy.
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I often think that the true masters of psychology (and certainly psychological persuasion) aren’t the psychologists, therapists or academics. They are the con artists (and not far behind, the magicians, salesmen, marketing gurus and advertisers).
Con routines are frightening in their vicious sense of shrewd exploitation, but equally fascinating in terms of the psychological dynamics. I was once conned out of $40 on a game on ‘Monty’ in New York, at the time it annoyed the hell out of me, but since has provided lots of food for thought.
Everyone else was a stooge. I was the mark. As I pass by, I am fascinated by the hands offering and taking wads of cash from the main guy, playing the cups and ball routine. People are winning every time, and he’s handing out cash, everyone’s enjoying themselves. As I watch, I am now unwittingly involved. Suddenly, no one is betting, yet to me its obvious that the ball is under a certain cup. The guy doesn’t seem to care about the money anymore – he asks for random guesses. With nothing to lose – I point out the cup I think its under. He nods yes! Well done! And suddenly – hes offering a handful of money! Wow, this guy really is a good guy, I haven’t even bet! I automatically reach out to take the money – but hold on – he remembers that I haven’t put anything up of my own. So he declines, and asks me to prove that I had the money to bet. I take out $40. He takes it, as if suggesting he is just about to offer me the money with his other hand – but then pulls both hands back, including my money. He lifts the cup – obviously I was wrong, I’m the mark, the sleight of hand escaped me. Everyone sighs “aw, bad luck!” someone slaps me on the back, all suggesting “there is nothing you can do now”. Confused, I walk away, going over in my head what just happened, and wondering how I lost $40 (which in hindsight I realise was minimal). I realised I was conned – but by the time I look back – they have all disappeared. I have met people who have a very similar story to tell of how the same thing happened to them. The routine was explained on “The Real Hustle” (pictured) with a detailed account of all the subtleties.
Do you have a story to share of how someone tried (successfully or not) to con you? If so – please provide all the details, it would be great to share the story.
In my Exeter Hypnotherapy practice I met a lot of clients with problems of anxiety, life confusion, panic attacks etc. Underneath the surface of confidence, contentment etc, most lives are anything but. I found this article quite interesting.
One morning, a casual looking guy pulls out a violin and starts busking to people emerging from a tube station to go to work. Six classical pieces and 43 minutes later, over 1000 people had passed. Would you have stopped and listened? Probably not – who does? The difference here is that the busker was actually Joshua Bell, a world famous violinist, once a child prodigy, playing on a $3.5m Stradivari, three days after filling Boston’s Symphony Hall for over $100 a seat. Its a perfect experiment to test the strength of recognition, genuine appreciation and values in a different context, with some conformity pressure thrown in too (if everyone else is passing by… then there’s no reason to stop, right?)
So what happened?
A friend yesterday said how she’d had a tough time Christmas shopping that afternoon. The problem wasn’t so much the endless queues, tacky shit, people pushing and shoving or falling over themselves trying to get a 20% discounted hairdryer in Woolworths for cousin Charlotte, no, it was something far darker and sinister. “I find it difficult knowing what to buy people, and it makes me realise just how little I really know them”. Isn’t it totally true? I find it difficult myself – I don’t know what movies people have seen, like, got, whether they have normal or Blu-Ray, I have no idea what books people have read, what ornaments go well with what, etc etc. If you settle for something generic it just looks thoughtless. It is difficult, and all the more so because we live in a culture where everything is accessible and most likely downloadable.
But back to the point. How well do you really know your friends? And family? We seem to slip into a sort of rut whereby we take people for granted, they just become superficial characters that we think are easy to understand. “Oh, Dave likes James Bond stuff, just get ‘im a calendar or somethin’”. Dave says “ah, cheers mate, yeah, that’s good that” but is thinking “what a pile of toss, I’d have rather had the ten quid you wasted on it”.
Its easy to take people for granted though, we’re able to reduce meaningful conversations to Facebook wall messages, text messages and emails. I don’t talk to my friends as much as I used to, and I assume that most people are too busy to talk. But its a shame, because that great zone where you really get to know someone becomes more and more elusive.
Its so interesting when you have a real conversation with a person, where you discuss fears, insecurities, goals, anxieties, perceptions, stuff you think might be embarrassing but actually isn’t at all, where each persons insights and confessions spur the other to open up more and more, until you really feel like you’ve delved into someones soul a little and really got to know them.
So perhaps it’s totally stupid to go trawling the High St to buy some tack, when you could have spent the same amount of time just talking to whoever you were trying to buy for. I would much rather have drinks and meaningful conversation with a friend than get another bloody calendar about hamsters, that’s for sure.
What do you think?